Practicing Patience

A Fisherman's tale

2010-05-26T17:40:00.000-07:00

Today, we tried our hands at fishing once again. I think that I enjoy it more than the kids, but they do enjoy frolicking around the pond while I try to catch a fish. We used crickets today as bait, and while I have a new love for fishing, I do not have a love for attaching a bug to a hook. However, my wonderful mother is always there for me when I need her, even if I need her to bait my fishing hook. And today we caught a fish, it was a monumental moment. Everyone gathered around the fishing pole where the fish was still hooked. Robin touched it and deemed it slimy. Finch poked it and said "ucky fish", Nana said "It is so big". And I said, " Yay we caught our first fish, quick get the camera!" Robin was amazed by the size of the fish, and contemplated taking it home. The final decision was made to release the fish back into the water, after pictures of course. It was definitely one for the record books. Our fish surely should have been in the paper or on the news or something because it was amazing!!

Our Great Catch

The investigation of our great catch

Two really stinking cute kids
and one really big
fish tale!

The large amount of fun we had today was no exaggeration, however, it was a blast!

Settling into summer

2010-05-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

Summer has started for us, and so far we have.....

Been super silly

Hung out at the house

Eaten countless Popsicles

Picked and eaten strawberries... lots of strawberries

watch Robin receive her very first trophy, and she is SO proud

played outside every available minute of daylight

And just enjoyed every single minute of being a family. We are settling into summer and we have some big plans to make this summer lots of fun. The kiddos and I made a "summer bucket list" and we are hoping to make it through all of the activities before August 5th when Robin goes to school.

What is on the list you ask?? We have fishing, the aquarium, the children's museum, Fernbank, the park, pump it up, and lots of other things big and small. We have already tried our hand at fishing and we didn't have much luck, we will go armed with better bait next time. Our summer is just starting and it is shaping up to be a great, great summer!

The biggest loser

2010-04-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have entered a new level of healing from my divorce, where I am actually moving on from the emotional hurt. However, it is leaving me with this depression that I am a huge loser. I mean not eve 30 and already divorced with 2 kids. Of course the 2 kids part doesn't bother me at all, they are my greatest accomplishments. I fear that all of this is stemming from recently hearing about my 10 year high school reunion. I used to be excited, now I really don't want to go see how little I have accomplished compared to everyone else. I know I am not the only one that has gotten divorced, heck some are already remarried.

I have no idea why the thought of being around people that I went to school with for 13 years scares the crap out of me, but it does. Maybe, it isn't even that, maybe, it is that comparison that I am doing with myself to them. I may not have accomplished a lot, but I did get a nursing degree and most of a masters degree and I will be a mid-wife in about 2 years. So I am getting there. I guess I will wait for the 20 year reunion to be awesome. 10 years wasn't long enough for me to get everything in place.

Until next time,
MamaShehee

Oh, the irony

2010-04-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Here recently, I have gained a lot of therapy through listening to music. I am not one of those people who can tell you every artist to every song, and my IPOD has very few "new" songs on it. Anyway, today I had my IPOD on shuffle and a song came on that struck a chord with me. It is a song by LeAnn Rimes called "You made me find myself". Coincidentally, she is also the ex's favorite artist. We saw her in concert 5 times in 7 years! Okay, back to the story, so I was listening and this song came on, up until this point, I had only been half listening, but this song really caught my attention. First, here are the lyrics in case you have no idea what I am talking about.

Bet you thought my world was over
Bet you thought I'd crash and burn
You thought I'd never
Pick myself up off the floor
But baby you were wrong
Just like before
I used to breathe you
I used to need you
I used to hang on every word that you say
It used to please you
To try to make me someone else
And I thank you from
My heart for your help
'Cause you made me find myself
I used to think if I surrendered
I'd be the perfect one for you
But I swear I can't remember, no, no
A single day of happiness with you
I used to breathe you
I used to need you
I used to hang on every word that you say
It used to please you
To try to make me someone else
And I thank you from
My heart for your help
'Cause you made me find myself
No I'm not going back in time
And there's a price for being strong
But I can live with who I am
'Cause I used to breathe you
I used to need you, baby
I used to hang on every word that you say
It used to please you
To try to make me someone else
And I thank you from
My heart for your help
'Cause you made me find myself
You made me find my dreams
You made me find my love
You made me find myself
Thank you
Thank you

Now, the ways that this song written by my ex's favorite artist parallels my life and situation...
In the seven years we were together, I never once felt like I was really me. I always felt like I was trying to be someone that I was not. Almost everything that I did was for him or to please him. In addition, I was always the one to surrender, if he didn't want to do something or he didn't like something, then we didn't do it or get it. He was very "my way or no way" and I was very submissive. While, there were happy days, they were very few and far between. Since our separation and divorce, there has been a lot of self reflection on my part. I am having to learn who I truly am because for 7 years I have hidden it deep inside and lived as someone else.

How horrible is it that I feel like I have lost 7 years trying to please someone who says now that he never loved me. Someone who obviously did not appreciate me and didn't want ME. All of this is not to bash him or make him out to be the bad guy, because I had a part in the divorce as well. When I started to see that I was unhappy, I stopped being a good wife. The last 7 years were not a complete waste of course, I got two beautiful and amazing children that make the hard and sad times worth every minute.

How great is it that I have been given the opportunity to find myself again? And the first thing that I have found is that I am okay being alone. I don't need someone else to be happy. Granted, I do love having my kiddos around and I hate it when they are gone, but I do not have to have a man or husband to be happy like I once thought. I have a long way to go before I can truly say I have arrived and I am living my life for God and myself and not for someone else. This journey is starting to look better and better!

It is ironic to me, however, that the same woman who sang our first dance song at our wedding sings the song that could now be my "I'm single and okay" song. And she is still his favorite artist.

Until next time,
Mama Shehee

He Lives

2010-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

He Lives! Praise the Lord, He Lives! It was a wonderful Easter Sunday today. Our church had a traditional cantata service that was beautiful. It was one of the first times Robin has sat through an entire service. She did great, all things considered. They went and spent part of the day with their dad and my Mom and I cooked dinner at my house so that it would be ready when they came home. The food was wonderful and the kids even ate it!

This weekend has been such a blessing to me. I work nearly every weekend and to have this one to spend with my sweet babies was just so precious to me.

Until next time,
Mama Shehee

The Wilderness

2010-03-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

You know that Madonna song, "Like a Virgin"? Well, the first lines of that song are:
"I made it through the wilderness. You know I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was, until I found you". My most recent Bible study is over the book of Hosea and today we studied the second and third chapters. Hosea 2:14 says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her".

While Madonna and the Bible are polar opposites, I can't help but sing these lyrics when I think about where I am in my life right now. The only difference is that I have not made it through the wilderness yet. I am stuck right in the middle of it and as far as I can tell there is no end in sight. I am stuck in the wilderness of life. I know God is working in my life, but I can't really feel him in my life. Does that make sense? I can't figure out what I need to do to get that feeling back. I am just filled with so many emotions on a daily basis. I go from peace to anger in a matter of minutes.

I feel like God is waiting on me to get past all of my issues so that I can fully concentrate on him. I struggle daily with forgiveness for the last several months. I want to badly to forgive and I just can't do it. I am not sure if forgiveness is something I need to choose each day or if it is something that should be able to do and never have second thoughts about. I want to give everything to God, including this. I think that when I am able to do this, I will finally be making my way out of the wilderness. God led me to the wilderness so that I would seek him more in my life. I am so excited to get back into the open fields and feel God's presence in my life.

Until next time,

Say What?

2010-03-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Finch was a late bloomer as far as speech goes, but recently, his small vocabulary has exploded! It is amazing to watch him grow and learn new words each day. It has been such a difference from Robin, who was speaking clearly and perfectly from 10 months old. I love listening to him try to figure out how to say a what he wants. It takes a few tries sometimes, and he gets really frustrated at times when I don't understand, but he gives it his best shot every time. He still speaks in two to three word sentences or just uses one word to communicate, but he is growing everyday. So to remember this time while my baby is still a baby, I wanted to write down a few of my favorite phrases that Finch says....

"eat, eat" - heard all day, every day by this little man, his way of saying "I'm hungry"
"monk-monk on" - Turn Curious George on
"oooby ooo" - Scooby doo
"eees" - depending on the context it could be cheese or please...
"my ink" - my drink
"mommie" - I love that he calls me mommy, instead of mama
"nat, nat" - night, night
"choo-choo tain"
"he-wo" - hello
"hot dog" - word for any food, or mouse or the answer to "what do you want for dinner?"
"my bebe" - name for the stuffed panda that he sleeps with and carries everywhere!

and my all time, melt my heart favorite,

"uh u mommie" - love you mommy!

Until next time,

The Newest Member of the Family

2010-03-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

I am very pleased to introduce our newest family member, Scooby. He has been here for a while, but I haven't blogged about him yet. Scooby was adopted by us outside of a local pet store on adoption day for an area humane society. He is about one year old and just as sweet as he can be. Robin is totally in love with him, he is so good with her and good for her. He does great with Finch too, of course, he is really just a dream come true. Scooby has adjusted to life in our family, like he has always lived here. When the kids are here, he can't get enough of playing with them, when it is just me, he lounges around. He loves his daily walk around the neighborhood, and is getting better and better about being on the leash. He is house broken and knows how to sit, we are working on some more training with him. So without further adue, I give you Scooby Doo! Oh, and he was named by Robin, who originally wanted to name him Sally, after telling her that he was a boy and we had to name him a boy name that Finch could say, she decided on Scooby Doo.

Robin and Scooby on their first meeting!

Until next time,

Soccer Mom

2010-03-15T17:03:00.001-07:00

Robin had her first soccer practice today, it was some work for both of us, to say the least. We got there and found her team, there were probably 150 kids on various teams running around. She immediately clammed up and ran for the hills (no really, there was a big hill on one side of the field and she ran straight up it). After dragging her back down, I gave her a pep talk and sent her out. No dice, she was like a boomerang and came right back. This time her Dad tried, but the holding and coddling he was doing was only escalating the situation. Meanwhile, little Finch is over at the side looking like a baby Beckham (boy has some skills with a soccer ball). So, I go back to Robin and convince her to just try it, she very reluctantly goes over with the team. After about 15 minutes of trying to convince her to participate, while she is sitting on the soccer ball, she finally starts playing, and she does EXCELLENT! Of course, by this time practice was almost over because it only lasts for 30 minutes. Hopefully, she will do better on Saturday. The child has been begging to play soccer since she was 2 years old, you would think that she would have been over the moon to be out there finally playing.
I have noticed this little trend with Robin, anytime she is in a new situation it takes her a while to warm up enough to go over and play with the other kids or talk to anyone. It is always worse if her father or I are present and takes her twice as long to warm up. I am like this to some extent so I understand her fears. I just wish, I could somehow make this easier for her. In so many situations, she spends so much time "warming up" that she misses the majority of the event. I know I can't be hard on her or force her into anything, but I also don't want to exacerbate this behavior in her. I want to help her overcome it or minimize it, but I just don't know how, what helps me is certainly not going to be logical for a 4 year old. I guess it is just one more thing to add to the list of "learning to be a mom".

Until next time,

The Older I Get

2010-03-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more Republican I become. This is odd, because I have always claimed to be a die hard Democrat. But, as of late, it seems my values, ideas and beliefs are more in line with the Republican party. I don't agree 100% with either party, however, as I get older, I am definitely getting more conservative.
Case in point, had you asked me a few years ago if I agreed with abortion, I would have told you absolutely. Now, that I have two amazing babies, I can't say that is the case anymore. I believe that it is never an easy decision to make for any woman, but I also believe that many women are not well informed. I could tell you a story about my pregnancy with Robin, but that is one for God and I to keep between us. However, I have been to two different events that has drastically changed my opinion on this matter. Anyone who doesn't believe a baby is a baby until it is born needs to go to The Bodies exhibit. In one of the rooms it shows babies at various different gestational ages from 5 weeks up. Look at how perfectly formed the babies are even at 10 weeks gestation, it is incredible. They are most definitely alive. The older I get the more pro-life I become.
The older I get more I realize how incredibly dumb I was when I "knew it all". Some of the statements that I remember saying make me laugh, some make me want to cry. Like the statement I made when I was around 19 or 20, "I would NEVER breastfeed, that is why God made formula". Those who know me would look at me like I grew two heads, seeing as how I breastfed Robin until she was 8 months and gave her frozen breast milk until she was a year, and then proceeded to breastfeed Finch until he was two years old. Robin has some formula, Finch never received a drop to my knowledge. I think I should rephrase that to say, "that is why God made breasts"
The older I get the more I realize that if you ever say "I would never", then rest assured you WILL.

I will NEVER get divorced~ I did
I will NEVER let my child (fill in the blank)~ I do
I could NEVER work in labor and delivery/mother-baby~ I love it!
I NEVER want to have a boy, I want a family of girls~ I couldn't imagine life without him!

The older I get, the more I realize that God is driving this train and I am just along for the ride. Now, if I could just stop backseat driving....

Until next time,

Just some thoughts for today

2010-03-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Today, was a very good day! This week, was a very good week! This month, has been a very good month, all 6 days of it! I am doing exactly what my forefathers asked of me~ I am in the pursuit of happiness! The last year may have sucked the life out of me, but I am coming back.

I went to the Princess Diana exhibit this week and WOW, that was one incredible woman! She went through a very public and nasty divorce, and I am sure some incredible depression. But she was constantly reaching out, at one point she was promoting/donating/working for over 100 different charitable organizations. She never lost sight of what was important in life and she kept that at the forefront of who she was, awesome, just awesome!

I have SO much fun when I actually let go and spend real quality time with Robin and Finch. They are the most precious little people in the world. Seeing life through their eyes, just makes me incredibly happy. I have to be the one setting the limits and doing the punishing, but when the time for fun comes, I also want to be the one creating memories and making them laugh.

Don't you just love the feeling you get when you are watching a movie like Pretty Woman. You know when he comes riding down the street standing up in the sunroof of the limo calling for her and climbs up the fire escape to "rescue" her. Such a nice feeling.

I have no rhyme or reason to these thoughts, just something to write down for the future when I am feeling down. I love this smile that has been on my face for the last week or so, I have missed it. Maybe, I should carry a little notepad for writing down these happy thoughts when they pop up in my head.

Oh and I have to welcome one of my best friend's newest addition! A precious little black headed boy, just perfect in every way! Congratulations on a job well done my friend!

Until next time,

Changing Course

2010-02-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

I am only 4 years 2 months into this whole parenting thing. Therefore, I do not claim to have experience and/or knowledge related to this topic. As my children are both reaching difficult ages, I find myself caught between being a drill Sargent and the mom that doesn't pay attention to her kids. I don't want to be either, I want to be somewhere in the middle, problem is, I just don't know where the middle is exactly.

I have been watching the show, "The World's Strictest Parents" and I am actually getting some pointers. Yes, I know I am not trying to show wild and crazy teens the error of their ways, but I am going to eventually have teens, and I don't want to the the one shipping mine off to some other family. This Revelation is not new, it has been stirring around in my heart and brain for some time now.

Here is my progress. I have been making a running list of things that I won't tolerate and warrant immediate and strict punishment (anything dangerous or violent). Then things that warrant immediate punishment (dis-respect, rudeness,hatefulness, misbehavior at school), but not anything terrible (time-out etc). Next are the run of the mill, happens 9000 times a day things that I give ample warnings for before enacting punishment. We have been having talks before the latter actually gets to time out or loss of privilege and for the most part it is working. I don't want my kids to be terrified to move in the house, but I am not going to let them be rude, hateful and reckless. I am a firm believer in the house being for self-expression, not first impressions. Thus, a mark on the wall or furniture, while they are reprimanded it is usually more to the effect of "here Finch, draw on this paper instead, we don't draw on the walls"

I am much more interested in the values and morals and character that my children will have than the fact that they are clean and orderly. Those that have strong values and respect for others just have a bigger outlook for their life. Those with a lack of respect tend to gravitate toward trouble. I know that the sooner I am able to instill these values into my babes, the better off we will be in the future.

At the moment we are working hard on respect, especially with Robin. She has a stubborn streak a mile wide and it gets her into trouble a lot. She is learning quick, however, that mama means business and that there are going to be consequences if she doesn't listen or gives me attitude. Finch is still young and we are starting to work on listening and obeying commands, which he is pretty good at. Time out is still a little hard for him to understand and he absolutely hates it, so I end up in time out with him.

All in all we are getting there, and I like already being able to see change in them from just working and using this new model for a short time. It has helped my patience and stress level in so many ways.

Until Next Time,

Ni Hao

2010-02-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

In case you are wondering that is Mandarin Chinese for "hello". Yep we are bona fide Kai Lan watchers here in casa de Shehee. In fact Robin had a Kai Lan birthday party this past weekend. Due to the fact that she is such a new character, there is not a lot out there as far as party supplies. Thus, Mama was forced to be creative. Actually, I found it more fun than the other parties we have had. So for any Mama's out there having to plan a Kai Lan party, I thought that I would tell what I did for Robin's!

The invitations that started it all:
I got them on E-bay and if I could remember the super talented lady who designed them I would definitely give her recommendations. I ordered and 2 days later had a jpeg file that I took to Sam's Club and had 30 invitations printed for 1.89 + 6.95 (for design) = $9.00 for 30 invites AWESOME~~ The invitation was designed to look like a movie ticket because we were showing a movie at the party.

Felt fortune cookie favors: These were super easy and there are free tutorials all over the web. Martha says to put wire in to help shape them. I found that just using a glue gun works well for me. Each side has a Hershey kiss in it, and the original plan was for there to be a "fortune" that said "thank you for coming to my party. Love Robin" Alas, I ran out of time before getting to that.

Dessert sushi- probably one of the biggest if not the biggest hit of the party was the dessert sushi that took me all of 15 minutes to throw together. The biggest feat come in finding Swedish Fish, they carry them at Cracker Barrell in case you were wondering. So I bought a few boxes of premade rice krispie treats and cut some in half and some in circles. The halves I put a fist across and wrapped a piece of fruit by the foot around it. The round, I cut a little hole in the center and cut a fish in half and stuck one half in the hole. Then I wrapped the fruit roll up around the side of the circle. Easy breezy.

Bead fun- This was one of our craft stations. Robin wanted to make bead necklaces, so I found some chinese themed beads and hooked her up. The kids all liked it.

CUPCAKES!! Oh yes I made each and every one of these little cartoon people into cupcakes. But rest assured that I DID have the idea/instructions on Nickjr.com. They were very understandable and the party turned out great!

I love you Robin and Finch!!!!!!!!

Until next time,

Finding the first step

2010-02-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

I have found that this divorce thing takes a lot out of you. Emotionally, you are drained because your heart is broken and you just can not fight anymore. Physically, you are a wreck, you don't sleep, you don't eat, you don't want to shower/shave/put on deodorant but you do so that you don't stink. Spiritually, you are questioning everything you thought you knew and praying that you find answers. And the worst part of it is that it doesn't happen all at once, heck most of it happens over and over and over until you are so beaten down that you can't see any way out. I have found myself slap in the middle of this vicious cycle more times than I care to admit, and to tell you the truth I HATE it.

As a nurse I know that there are steps in the grief process, and I assume that going through a divorce is a lot like mourning. Your marriage has died, everything you know is changing and nothing seems right in the world. Being a mother-baby nurse, I couldn't remember the stages, so I googled them.

1. Denial- yeah, I went through that before I moved out....so done and check.
2. Anger- Have gone through that a couple of times, not so sure when it will stop.
3. Bargaining- Again, I did this before I moved out, with him, with God, with myself. So check.
4. Depression- The land of darkness you mean, yeah I tend to like to hang out here and be angry. Can you experience 2 stages at one time?
5. Acceptance- Hmmmm, sometimes I think I am getting there, but I know I am not there yet. I know it is for the best and that it is definitely final, but there is still something that I am hanging onto that I would really like to figure out so that I can move on out of this process.

Divorce is evil, I don't recommend it to anyone, unless of course infidelity or abuse is taking place. Otherwise try to work it out. I am hoping that I am coming to a realization that it is time to move on and finishing up this grieving process. I am starting to feel better everyday and life is starting to look a little more appealing here lately. So for anyone out there going through the same thing, good luck. It isn't easy, but it does get better, it just takes a lot of time.

Until next time,

Fruit

2010-02-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self control
Galatians 5:22

It is amazing how our God works in our lives each day! Even when we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, He always can and He is always in control. Through a Bible study I have recently started, I have been hearing God speaking to my heart in so many different ways. It is incredible how in my last post I was discussing my demons and how I know if I give it all to God then my prayers will be answered. Well, today our study centered around trusting God with your life and living in Him so that your prayers and desires are His desires for you. I struggle with this a lot and I think that the main reason is because I haven't really ever paid a great deal of attention to the verse at the top of this page.

What is the fruit of the Spirit and do I possess any of it? Am I bearing fruit or withering away? When I look at the list God sets before us, I can not help but feel that I am falling short. Of course no one is perfect, but I should be striving to be perfect. I have this entire blog dedicated to practicing patience. but there are other areas I need a lot of work in too.

Love~ Do I love others as He has loved me. I find that this may be the hardest fruit to bear. How difficult is it to love someone who has been hateful toward you or been degrading to you. How hard it is to love someone who broke your trust? But how many times have we disgraced God? How many times have we broken is trust? And yet, through it all, He continues to love us unconditionally. It is truly amazing!!

Joy~ Joy is easy, as long as things are going well. When things take a turn for the worse though is when joy drops as well. It is our responsibility to see the joy in everything we do. It is a joy and an honor to be chosen and loved by the Father and we should never loose sight of that joy in our daily walk, no matter the circumstance.

Patience~ Oh, patience. Some have a better grip on this fruit than I do. Am I always patient when God does not answer my prayer the way I want or does not answer at all? No because, I am not perfect, am I trying to get better at this, absolutely. But patience extends into everyday life from being home with the kids to being on the road in crazy traffic to being at work when it is an insane day. Patience can be practiced anywhere, anytime, but ultimately I need to practice with God.

Kindness~ Have you ever fallen victim to the trap of everyone else is talking about someone and even though you don't feel the same way they do, you join in the conversation to avoid being left out. Kindness is easy when you are face to face with someone, anyone can put on an act. But true kindness shines from within and is not plastered on the face. Real kindness is there even when no one else is.

Goodness~ For a while I struggled with establishing the difference between kindness and goodness. I mean for all practical purposes they can be interchanged. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that goodness is more how you live your life and not how you act toward others. Am I living a good life that honors God or am I living a life that dishonors him?

Faithfulness~ Well obviously, one is expected to be faithful in their marriage, but what about to God? I find that I struggle the most when I am not getting my way. I have a hard time staying faithful and trusting that He will provide for my needs and He knows what I need better than I do. Being faithful to God and showing that faith to others is no easy task to accomplish, it requires blind trust and knowing that God is always in control.

Gentleness~ Being gentle is something that I seem to preach to my children on a daily basis. "be gentle with the dog" "be gentle with your brother". With two toddlers it is definitely a word that is used a lot in our house. The greater question is, am I showing my children how to be gentle or just telling them that they should be? Not that I am harsh with my children or am in anyway abusive toward them, but I know that there are days that are better than others. When I loose my temper, I know that I do not always exemplify gentleness to my children. And what about when I am at work or out in public. There is a lot more to gentleness than being careful when petting a puppy. You have to have a gentle attitude as well.

Self-control~ Again one of my greatest weaknesses, possibly the greatest. I really struggle with self-control on a daily basis. I speak before thinking, I spend without giving it a second thought, I make a lot of hasty decisions everyday. Due to this short coming I have made more than my fair share of mistakes throughout my life. I have a lot of praying and a lot of work before I can truly say I possess self-control.

I have had this on my heart for the last few days and hopefully writing it out will help me hold myself accountable. I am trying to commit myself to living so that I am always bearing fruit for the Lord and not sitting idly and withering away.

Until next time,

Taking down the demons

2010-02-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

Everyone, even if they choose not to admit it, has demons lurking somewhere in their life. Not to be confused with skeletons in the closet, no this has much more to do with those things out of the closet for all to see. Demons are the things in life that hold you back and just when you think you are getting ahead they fight harder to keep you down. There are demons everywhere, ever wonder why every morning can go off without a hitch except Sunday morning? Yeah, those demons don't want you at church. They don't want you to trust God to get you through whatever trials you are facing. If they can, they will keep you back.

I have demons, oh do I have the demons! They try to control every aspect of my life, and I hate to say it, but many times, they win. I keep thinking that I need a demon repellent, but then I think, "wait a minute, I have one, I just need to figure out how to use it". What is it you might ask? Well, simple and complicated. The simple is that it is prayer. The complicated is how to pray. The Bible says "ask and you shall receive" but it is just not quite that simple. I think that God wants you to help yourself too. If I pray for a midwifery degree and never send in an application or attend school, it is not going to happen. Not that God couldn't give me a midwifery degree, but he wouldn't because I was being lazy and not doing anything to help him. At the same time, while I am doing my part and God is doing his part, the demons in my life are doing their part. Their part is to keep me from trying or applying or discourage me in some way, shape or form so that it becomes more trouble than it is worth to do this.

My next practice in patience is to practice patience with God and more impatience with the demons. If I get mad that they are getting in my way and reside that as long as God is with me then I can push through anything they can possibly throw at me, then I am going to be just fine. I just wish sometimes that they were not such good sales people...

Until next time,

Cha cha cha changes

2010-02-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

If I could go to sleep and wake up the next morning with a very clear idea as to what I really want in life, I would give almost anything. But, I don't know what I want, well not really anyway. One day I think I want one thing and the next I want the polar opposite. I have a little time before I have to really make a decision. That makes me happy because I have time to really consider what I want. I have time to put my life back together, actually get the boxes out of my living room and get decorations besides the Santa statue that is still in the center of the coffee table. It makes me very happy to know that after elimination, I can slowly bring things back into my life in my time. I don't know what I want in life, but I know that I have to make some decisions as to what I want back in my life after this period of uproar is over.
This is a lot of rambling and probably does not make sense, but it will. When I know what I want...

Until next time,

You just don't get it.

2010-02-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

Over the last several months, weeks, days and hours, I have found that I feel the need to explain myself or my situation to anyone lucky enough to hear part of a conversation. And in the end the explanation ends with "but we are working through it and we are not trying to fight" Then inevitably I get "Giiirrrlll, you should have taken him for all he is worth" Well, yes you are right, I could have taken him for all he is worth IF he was worth anything at all. And yes I could have drug this to court and won custody of the kiddos full time, but then what kind of mom takes her kids away from a perfectly loving father who just happens to have below average moral standards

So when I said we are doing mediation it doesn't mean that I am getting run over by him or that he is being taken to the cleaners by me. It really means that we sat down, looked at the important things that came out of our marriage and found two: Finch and Robin. If they are okay during all of this, then we are doing the right thing regardless of what the peanut gallery says. And let me tell you that my personal peanut gallery is very vocal and loud and opinionated.
Therefore, my explanation for doing this divorce the way I wanted to do it is because
1) I put my kids first
2) I am not about fighting about the past~ it pissed me off, but its over and no one can change it
3)There is nothing worth fighting for
4)Transgressions aside, he is still the father of my children and one of the best friends I have ever had.
5)I make good money and I see no reason to assume that just because he is the dad he should fully support the kids, that is stupid and antiquated. Each parent should pay their part equally.
6) He is the father of my children and they deserve a father. Who am I to try to take him out of their life.

Until next time

Big Smile

2010-01-30T19:09:00.000-08:00

I am doing so good. Had a disagreement with the ex tonight and guess what? Nope, I didn't loose my temper. AND instead of still stewing over it as I have a tendency to do, I am already smiling and counting my blessing from today. I love the way God is working in my life right now, I can definitely see the change that is taking place in my heart. So good night, I am going to go to sleep with a big smile on my face and thank God for his wonderful blessings on me.

So much better

2010-01-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed and conflicted about the decision I had to make

Yesterday, I didn't know anything about the the Bible study

Yesterday, I did not spend even 5 minutes in prayer and scripture

Yesterday, I did things the way everyone else wanted them to be done.

Yesterday, I felt like a failure as a mom for my children, they deserve better than this overwhemled mom.

Yesterday, I couldn't see past my issues enough to even comprehend that others might have the same of much worse.

Yesterday, I was drowing, until I found that one branch and was able to grab hold and never let go

Today, I was supposed to teach clinicals to nursing students.

Today, I woke up still satified and happy with the decision I made to resign from that position

Today, I made the decision to go to Bible Study at the church down the road

Today, I spent time in prayer and scripture trying to hear God speak to me and help me live my life for His glory.

Today, I did things on my schedule, not on everyone else's.

Today, I got a glimpse of what I was missing out on by being so self-involved.

Today, made dinner for my family and felt like a real mother again

Today, I helped a friend get through a hard time.

Today, was the first day of the rest of my life

Until next time,

Weeding the garden of life

2010-01-26T06:02:00.000-08:00

I woke up yesterday morning feeling overwhelmed by everything that I have going on right now in my life.

As the day progressed I became more and more overwhelmed. Practicing patience is practically impossible when you are buried under a mountain of stress. It is a hidden demon that seems to take over your life. So I spent the greater part of yesterday praying for guidance with the understanding that I had to do what was put on my heart because it is the only way to free myself.

I am not sure if I have ever heard God speaking so clearly to me as I did yesterday. My life had become so full of "extras" that I had put everything important second, third and so on. I had made myself constantly busy so that I didn't have to deal with all of the issues surrounding my failed marriage. God spoke to my heart and I realized that in order to move past this point in my life I needed to weed out some of the extras and face the issues that so clearly needed to be solved.

After careful consideration and a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that for now all that needs to be in my life are family and my main job at the hospital. SO, for now, I am putting school and teaching aside while I get my life back under control. It wasn't an easy decision, but definitely one that needed to be made.

I woke up this morning with a sense of relief that my life was on the road to recovery.

Until next time,

Prayers and Luck

2010-01-21T04:41:00.000-08:00

**UPDATE**

Well, the shots are over, thank the good Lord. It was one of the single worst experiences of motherhood I have had yet. She screamed SO LOUD, and cried SO HARD, it ripped my heart right out of my chest. She continued to cry for a solid 30 minutes afterwards too. I know, I am a sap, but it was just terrible. So much for being prepared chalk it up to inexperience in this part of motherhood. Therefore, I am recruiting people to take Finch for his 4 year old shots! She is being very dramatic too, she keeps picking her right leg up with her hands and moving it, because it still is sore. Other than that her check up went great! She is 39 1/2 inches tall and 36 pounds. 5oth percentile all around. So happy we are done until she is 11, now just to get Finch through it...

We go for Robin's 4 year shots today. Ouch!! I am a firm believer in NOT lying or being deceitful about this to my children. I worked for the health department and hated when kids came in unsuspecting and then freaked out when it was time for shots. In lieu of that, I have been prepping Robin for several weeks for this visit. She has gone from hysterical to just slightly upset. She no longer cries at the mention of shots and is ready to get it over with I think. I know there will be tears and it will hurt, but I think in the long run it is better that she knows ahead of time. However, I would still appreciate prayers and good luck wishes for today! Until next time,

This and That

2010-01-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

The past 4 days have been somewhat of a blur. I worked 36 hours, slept about 21 hours and the rest of the time was driving back and forth to work or doing homework. We were busy at work and had some pretty interesting patients over the weekend, I came home worn out every day. I did have a little time here and there to do some soul searching and I really like what I got out of it. Every day I am finding more and more out about who I am without my ex. I had become so much of what he wanted me to be that I lost who I really was. I wasn't often allowed to be the person I wanted to be because he would ridicule me for it. So for years I played the part and did and acted like I thought he wanted me to. Well, guess where that got me~ divorced!! I have learned that I only have myself and God to answer to, and if someone doesn't like it then that is okay. I don't have to please everyone. I feel kind of like I have been set free and I like it. I am starting on the path to rediscovering the real me. So far it has been a lot of fun and I have had a few surprises! My patience is growing too, so that is definitely a plus!

Until next time,

Life is like my mastercard

2010-01-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Buy a stroller on craigs list that is in perfect condition for only $50. Saved a good 200ish and I very proud of my purchase. Next buy 7 shirts, two packs of pacis, and a crock pot all for under $100, score! Then tomorrow I will finally be the proud owner of my very own washing machine and dryer. I am so excited about this household appliance that I have been without for about 3 months now. If you know me, you know know what that smell is :). I do love that discount clothing stores and craigslist allow me to buy products well below retail price especially when it is such good condition. Tomorrow night it will be me and the washer and dryer learning how to peacefully co-habitate.

And the priceless moment of the day is when I took Robin in to karate....at first she was super shy and would not let go of me with even the slightest bit of grip. Finally though she eased up and started listening to the teacher. She was not in a group class this week, I am hoping to get that taken care of within the next week or so. She did do well when the teacher pulled her back in to focus and I was kind of amazed at how well she did it. So we shall see, this is not something that we can go into lightly because of the cost associated with it. She is supposed to be talking about it with her dad and I and thinking it over during the weekend. A priceless day spent in the company of two little birds I love so much

Until next time,

Good Day

2010-01-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

No, I am not at the beach. Today was just one of those peaceful, cuddly days that are spent realizing how much I have to be thankful for. Robin, Finch, and I spent the day watching a movie and curling up together in bed, it was wonderful!

Until next time,

Trying my patience

2010-01-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

The birds, they are trying my patience tonight. Robin is on a mission to intentionally disobey absolutely everything I tell her, and Finch is just getting into all manners of mischief this afternoon. His current favorite place to play is the the dog's water bowl, so I am constantly cleaning up water mess. Right this minute I am trying to convince Robin that sleep is important and that she needs to sleep in order to get through school each day. I was just informed that she can't remember how to close her eyes, so she can not go to sleep.

With this said my journey to patience was coming along nicely UNTIL about 30 min ago with I was trying to get the little babes in bed One is whining about the pillow, the other what movie we are going to watch, one about their pajamas, both about whined about who got what animals to sleep with........Oh My! So I may or may not have lost my temper once or twice during this time, but hey, I tried right and it was a much subdued temper loss as opposed to what it used to be. Therefore I am proud of my accomplishments!

Until next time,

Hard day

2010-01-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the longest days at work that I have had in a long time. I am still catching up on my sleep from being up most of the night with Finch on Saturday. That said, after working 12 hours yesterday and 12 hours today, I am EXHAUSTED! I worked the newborn nursery today and we had a lot of admissions so we were running all day. I will probably dream about screaming babies tonight! It was also emotionally exhausting because it seems like we are running a special on hateful patients this week. So many of our patients are just plain mean this week, which is very unusual for a mother-baby floor. I have one more day of work tomorrow, and it is my first day teaching so I need to get to sleep now in order to make a good impression on the students. Hopefully tomorrow night I can update on my progress to practicing patience. It is coming along slowly but surely.

Until next time,

Just the three of us

2010-01-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

Tonight it is just me and the two pups. These are our furry family members, Bonnie and Nina. Bonnie is my sweet little lap dog and Nina is Robin's hyperactive partner in crime. So since Robin and Finch are at their dad's house tonight, it is just me and the girls. We are going to pile up in the bed and get a good nights sleep, so that maybe I can get up on time tomorrow! I can't seem to find a picture of Nina, probably because she is so wild that I can't catch her on camera. Anyway, here is Bonnie doing what she does best.

Until next time,

Long night and long day

2010-01-10T16:28:00.000-08:00

So, this post will be short. At about 7:30 or so last night Finch started complaining about his side hurting and became very restless, couldn't get comfortable and just looked miserable, all while crying. Then he started throwing up and could not stop. Seriously, just time I would get him clean he started up again. This went on for about 30 minutes before I literally threw in the towel, went and got a clean one and called for back-up. After a long discussion with my ex about if we should take Finch to the ER, I finally made the executive decision to take him against his father's wishes because if there is one thing a mother knows it is when her baby is sick. So we went to the ER puke bucket in hand and baby boy didn't stop vomiting until we had been there 3 hours and had 2 doses of Zofran. It was like he was under a very terrible spell that just made him continuously vomit. I felt so bad for the little guy. After exam, they determined that it was most likely a kidney infection and gave him a shot of antibiotics. Bless his sweet heart he just got over a respiratory infection and now has this. Sometimes when it rains it really does poor. Here's to having healthier days ahead so that my babies and I can have fun instead of being in bed sick. Finch in his little hospital gown at the ER

On a more positive note, Robin did enjoy the Princess and the Frog, although, I am not sure which one of us actually liked it better. I loved it, it was just such a cute movie. Robin got a little scared during some parts with the shadow man, but otherwise she did great and liked the movie. I still have to work on her understanding that you can not talk in theaters like you can at home. Thank goodness it was mostly adults with kids, except for those 3 mid-50/60 year old men that sat down from us. Kind of strange but gave the benefit of the doubt and decided they were movie critics. I do recommend going to see this movie if you have a young girl and/or a frog.

Until next time,

The start of something exciting

2010-01-08T18:08:00.000-08:00

Robin went last weekend with her grandparents to see Alvin and the Chipmunks in the Theater. I had been debating as to weather or not she was ready for this, and they gave her rave reviews. So, because my plans for tomorrow fell apart, I am now hit with a free day to spend just with my babes and nothing else planned. Of course Robin wants to go see the Princess and the Frog ever since I mentioned it a week ago. Therefore, if my mom is willing to watch Finch for a few hours I guess Robin and I are headed to the movies for the first time together. I am really excited because this the beginning of us being able to go and do girly things. She is getting to the age where it is fun to take her to places other than just the park, now we can go to museums, movies and do things that you just can't do when they are 2 and 3 years old. I kind of feel like a whole new world of opportunities has opened up for me and Robin and I might just be a little more excited about it than she is.

The other exciting thing about to take place in Robin's life is for her to finally get embrace her love for karate. No she has never taken a class and as far as i know does not really know what karate is. Well thank God I have a Friend that can guide me through this very foreign sport because I am lost with all the belts and colors. She will actually be taking tae kwon do because the karate studio didn't come with good recommendations and I don't think they would like my over the top reaction if I came in and found my child in a cockroach position the corner. If nothing falls through we have a private trial class on Monday and Robin is so excited that it is beyond words. I am so hoping that she will love it as much as she says she will.

Off the wagon

2010-01-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

I started the day off by waking up late, the baby birds slept in until 8 AM, which is pretty much unheard of in this house. Robin has to be at preschool at 8:30, so it goes without saying that by the time they ate and I got them both dressed, it was already 8:38. After finally getting her to school at about 8:55, I returned home, gathered up the mountains of laundry that I had to do and headed off to my Dad's to take on Everest. Then before I could blink it was time to go pick Robin up again. So, I pick her up and the three of us head to Target only to get to the parking lot and realize that my purse is still at home... Back we go to the house, but only after stopping to swap the next load of laundry over. When we get home, I feed Robin and Finch and we sit down to play with Robin's Polly Pockets and Finch's tools. Once my floor is completely covered in small toys and the kiddos have moved on to other activities, I decide it is time to go swap some more laundry and try our Target run once more. After a successful trip, we come back to the house, where I have two crazy excited kids because three snow flurries fell on the way home. So Robin, being overcome with excitement just can not contain herself and becomes full on wild child! After many (and I really do mean many) request for her to please calm down and stop tormenting her brother, I lost it. Yep, the switch flipped and before I knew it I was yelling and my practicing patience had flown out the window. Dang! I was doing so good too, well there is only one thing you can do when you fall of the wagon and that is to get right back on and keep going. So after apologizing to Robin and taking a few deep breaths I regrouped and went to finish dinner while the babes fought over who got to wash dishes (to good to be true I know).

Well, it isn't a total loss, I know, just a small slip up on my journey for patience. I am happy that I was able to see very quickly that I had snapped and correct it before letting it ruin the entire day. Now I am off to bed and hopefully I won't have to risk my life trying to get to work in the morning if the forecast is right and it does snow.

Until next time,

Weird Wednesday

2010-01-06T18:49:00.000-08:00

Today started out just like any other Wednesday, but I quickly realized that this day would hold a variety of very strange happenings. Let me give you a short list of the things that made my day so interesting.

There is a woman in Atlanta trying to sell breast milk on Craigslist for $2, not sure if this is per ounce or gallon, but she claims she is healthy and only took insulin and prenatal vitamins during pregnancy so by all means everyone should be lining up to purchase bodily fluids from this lady!

Upon realizing that if it did in fact snow tomorrow, I would be stuck in a house with two toddlers and nothing but sugar, water and chicken broth to feed them, I decided a trip to the grocery store was in order. I have the uncanny knack for wandering in Kroger on Senior Citizens day, and as such I was the only one there under the age of 65. This is how I managed to get stuck discussing which oatmeal is best for keeping you regular with three little old ladies on aisle 7. For the record, I think they decided on apple Cinnamon.
After posting a picture of my grocery cart on Facebook, I think I got more comments on that one picture, than any before! Of course, it is mostly due to my Coke Zero fetish and the fact that the junk food aisle was last, landing the cookies and Cheetos on top.
After living nearly 2 months without a washer and dryer, I discovered that I have now accumulated more laundry than the hospital that I work for. This means that tomorrow will be spent being a laundry maid. Okay, so this is not so much weird as it is overwhelming, but still, it was a realization that I made today.

For someone whose life is pretty much the same day in and day out, I had quite the entertaining day.

And, just for good measure, I just looked at Robin sleeping peacefully beside me and she looks like a miniature adult lying there. I don't like the fact that my baby girl is growing up. Thank goodness Finch is on the other side and still has that precious baby face, for now at least. Now, I am going to snuggle in between my two birds and try to stay warm as we wait and see if it is really going to snow down here in the deep south.

Until next time,

There is not enough NyQuil

2010-01-05T16:43:00.000-08:00

I have been sick since Friday, and I am a firm believer in the power of NyQuil. My friend is letting me down because I am still sick. I have taken NyQuil around the clock for 2 days and I still feel like crap. I am also on antibiotics, but they don't seem to be working either. My stubborn self is almost to the point of going to the doctor. Hopefully my day of therapeutic television and warm fuzzy blanket therapy will pay off and I will feel better tomorrow and won't have to go to such extremes.

On a completely unrelated note, I am still navigating the very murky waters of divorce. Why is there no handbook for this sort of thing? One day I think I have it down, and the next, I am as lost as last year's Easter egg. When do I move on? When does the hurting stop? Will I ever really be okay with him seeing other people or will I always just say that? How do I ever stop defining myself with the word "divorce"? Oh, this is a nasty place to be and I don't wish it on anyone. It was never in my plans, as I suppose it is not in the plans of any bride as she stands in her perfect dress on a perfect day and weds the man she thinks will be by her side forever. What happens that makes everything fall so miserably apart? If you could go back and watch on video, could you see the change, is it obvious, is the happiness one day and distance the next? Being sick and in bed and alone all day gives me way too much time to think and it may not be good for me to put this much effort into figuring out something that is so obviously over. Moving on, and on and on.

Until next time,

Not Me Monday

2010-01-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

I will start by telling you that I am not still in my pajamas at 3 PM because no self respecting southern woman would stay in her bed clothes the entire day. In addition to that my kids did not eat mac & cheese for lunch for the second day in a row and are not running around the house in summer clothes when there are highs in the 30's today. No way would I let my kids eat unhealthy meals and wear inappropriate clothing. I am not going to meet some college friends tonight most of who I have not seen in a few years, that would be crazy because I always keep in touch with friends. My son is not wearing one of his sister's old pull-ups because we ran out of diapers and I am too lazy to go to Wal-mart. And finally I am letting my kids get into all kids of mischief today because I am sick with the chest cold that they gave me! Nope not me, I am always super mom and never fall down on the job :)

Join the Not Me Monday fun over at MckMama's place.

Until Next Time,

My Baby Birds!

2010-01-03T14:18:00.001-08:00

I am very happy to introduce the two little birds who make my new nest feel like a home! They are everything in this world to me and personally I think they are the two cutest little peeps in the world!

Below you will see my very spirited 4 year old, Robin. She is a stubborn, tender-hearted, doll loving, skate board riding, somewhat girlie tom-boy! She is a walking contradiction! She is my first born and keeps me on my toes at all times. She wants the attention on her, unless of course the attention is supposed to be on her and then she is shy and hides behind me. Her beautiful blue eyes melt my heart every time I see them, because they are the same blue eyes that looked back at me at 5:24 PM on that December day in 2005 when I realized becoming a Mama is so much more than just having a baby. She is my sweet girl and I love seeing life through her eyes.

Now, this little man is my oh so yummy baby boy, Finch. Let me start by saying that anyone who knows me knows that when I found out I was pregnant with Finch I so longed for another girl because I had no clue what I would do with a boy. Well, this little man came barreling into the world in December of 2007 and from the minute he grabbed my finger with his tiny little hand I have been smitten to pieces. He is a bundle of joy, love and laughter, he can't get enough snuggles and loves trains like there is no tomorrow. He is calm, laid back and happy as long as he is not confined to one spot. He is my 2 year old blessing and I can not imagine life without him in it!

So there you go! My babes, the loves of my life, the calm amidst the storms I am facing. Nothing in this world compares to being the lucky woman who gets to call herself Mom to these two precious little birds! Now, I get to go pick them up from their father and spend the night cuddled up between the two of them, I can't wait :)!

Until next time,

When I am Sick, I Sink

2010-01-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

Being sick today did not bode well for my goal of being more patient. Patience with my patients (I am a nurse) was pretty thin today. Of course they didn't see that, I try extra hard to appear patient, but I know I could have done SO much better. That combined with the fact that I am really hurting from having to split my time with my children just made my mood plummet today.

On the up side, I realized today how much I have to be grateful for. Sometimes I have to have a good proverbial slap in the face to recognize my blessings. I have beautiful, healthy children, my own health, a wonderful supportive family and a house to live in and food to eat. I can't imagine the trials that people in this world face on a daily basis. I have to constantly remind myself that my own "problem" pale in comparison to what some have. This is where patience with life comes in to play. I have to be patient with the life I have been given to know that everything happens for a reason and that even if all the doors are shut, somewhere there is an open window waiting on me. If nothing else, at least being aware of my actions and patience is opening my eyes to the world around me.

Tomorrow I am hoping to introduce my two little birds on my blog. They are the loves of my life and I can't wait for you to meet them!

Until next time,

Starting the year with a test

2010-01-01T17:41:00.000-08:00

I knew that this challenge that I have set before myself would not be easy, but I did not think that I would be so challenged on the very first day of the year! I did not do a great job, seeing as how my patience was tested by the one person who knows how to push my buttons the best: my ex-husband. I of course flew off the handle and could have managed the situation much better had I actually been patient with myself and him. The fact of the matter is that the wounds are still too fresh and patience with him will be the the greatest challenge set before me this year. If I can get a handle on this and teach myself to be patient with him then surely I can become more patient with others!
I realized just how much I need to work at this today, and it is only the first day of the year! I know I will fail at times, I know I will have to stay committed to get through this, but I have never really stuck with a new year's resolution and this year I am going to. I have two beautiful children who deserve a mother that can truly appreciate every moment spent with them. Especially now that my time with them has to be split with my ex. With every trial that God brings me he always sends me a message of hope along with it. I got an e-mail today right after my conversation with the ex that brought me right back in to focus. I wanted to share it on here, although I am sure a lot of people have already seen it since it is a chain e-mail. Well anyway, without further explanation here it is....

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness..
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the (whatever is broken).

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there is always room for a couple cups of coffee with a friend.'

So until next time,

New Year, New Blog, and Big Changes

2009-12-31T12:01:00.000-08:00

To start, I want to explain the reason behind the name of this blog. Wikipedia defines patience as the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. I love this definition because it sums up my goal for this coming year. The Bible talks about patience in several different books, in fact the word is brought up 33 times in the New Testament. Galatians 5:22 says; but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. Patience is a fruit of the spirit!

So what does all of this rambling mean for me, for this blog? Well, to be quite honest I lack in patience. Sure, I can wait in long line and do fine, the kind of patience I am talking about is patience with people, patience with life, patience in faith. That is one of the many things that I am missing in life. By practicing patience, I will be able to stop and enjoy life and all of it's many blessings. I can watch my children grow up instead of rushing them through life. I am dedicating this year to practicing patience and being aware of when I am lacking in patience. I plan to track my progress on this blog, while also revealing who I really am.

Until next time,